Cross-Cultural Friendships Can Help Us Heal

BRUCE:  I’m Bruce Bondy and I’ve been living here in Northbrook with my wife and family for 23 years.    In all of my time here, I did not have an opportunity to meet an African American.  And I come before you this evening with my dear friend Van Gilmer whom I met nearly three years ago.

VAN:  I am honored to join Bruce here with you tonight!  And I am especially happy to participate in sharing some thoughts with you this evening during this special DEI Moment.  I’ve been a resident of Wilmette for over fifteen years and it has been the first time in my long life that I have lived in a practically ALL-WHITE community here in the North Shore of Chicago.

BRUCE:  Van and I serve together on RAIN, Race Awareness in the North Shore, but we first met a little over three years ago as we joined a group of 27 people from this area to visit the Equal Justice Legacy Museum and the Memorial for Peace and Justice in Montgomery, Alabama in April  2019.

VAN:  This was predominantly an interracial, interfaith group, White group with five of us being African Americans.  Very few of us knew anyone else and I was really quite hesitant to join them.  This tour for me would be to see the History of Slavery and Racism with a group of mostly White strangers.  Bruce and I did not know each other before this trip.

BRUCE:  Those 4 days proved to be a life changing experience.  I saw our history of Slavery, Jim Crow, Segregation, Racial Terror Lynching with a new perspective.  Seeing it while with African Americans deepened that experience.  What I could not have predicted was the friendship with Van that resulted after our return. 

VAN:  I was very impressed that this group of White people really did want to learn about the history of racism in America.  This was what really encouraged me to put aside my reluctance to join them.  What I had not imagined was that I would become more than just an acquaintance of Bruce but actually a person who I am proud to say is my friend. So, my take-away is that when it comes to eradicating Racism, we all must be willing to do something out of the ordinary to hopefully lead to lasting interracial friendships.  If it happened to us, it can happen to anybody!

BRUCE:  Van and I talk every day.  He is one of my very best friends.  Looking back I think what made this possible was learning to have an open and honest discussion about Race.  Our ongoing conversation allowed us to trust each other and the bonds of friendship developed.  We discovered we had a remarkable degree of common interests but our different cultural backgrounds and history were just as fascinating to us. 

VAN:  Remarkably, Bruce and I discovered that we both have had careers that are grounded in architecture.   I grew up in a Black community within Greensboro, NC.  I participated in the Lunch Counter Sit-in protests in the early 1960s.  I have worked for Social Justice Issues all of my adult life.  

BRUCE: It’s sad when I think about all the lost opportunities for friendships with people who are not like us.  I see this now as a consequence of segregation.

My friendship with Van was an unexpected blessing.  I was surprised and delighted to have developed such a close friendship with this remarkable man at this stage of my life.  I encourage others to be curious, to learn more about our history and make the effort to seek out communication and friendship across the racial divide.